There's No Angel in Love

They say love is a world. It’s a place meant to make you feel complete. But I’ve learned that love isn’t always kind and bright. Love gives you a view that’s either a paradise or a nightmare, and I witnessed both. I learned that in a world where there are no angels in love, the only safe place to return to is myself.

Up to this date, I never had a girlfriend. I’ve dated a lot of women, but no commitments, no roots, no directions — just moments and fun. I told myself I was exploring, but in truth, I was just lonely. I pushed myself onto people because I didn’t want to face my own emptiness. I didn’t love myself nor even truly know who I am. I thought love was something I could borrow from others, but it only left me emptier each time. It always felt like something in me was missing, like a piece I couldn’t find no matter who I held onto.

The truth is, I give up easily. I lose interest quickly. And when I fall in love, I become a different version of myself. Someone who tries too hard and forgets his worth just to feel wanted. That wasn’t me, but I kept becoming him because it felt easier than facing my flaws and imperfections.

I ended up in the hook-up culture — a nightmare that my first love and first heartbreak had opened the gate to. I lost interest I chose to be a villain. in love. Out of confusion, I mixed up love and infatuation. Once I got what I wanted, I would suddenly lose interest and start searching in others for the things I was missing and wanted to fill inside me. I ghosted people who didn’t deserve it. No proper good bye. No guilt. Look how devastated I am.

And yes, I was the problem. Not because I meant to hurt anyone, but because I’m not honest, not with them, but myself. I searched for peace in places that couldn’t give it, and tried to use people as a way to escape.

Is it love or just infatuation? Or maybe I’m just bored? How ironic I prayed for a woman with all the qualities I desired, and when God answered, I still looked for another. Gladly, it wakes me up; it exposes me. It forces me to see myself clearly, without the filters of fantasy or desire. It shows me that even angels can fall, and maybe they have to. Because sometimes we need to fall just to finally touch the ground and see what’s been missing all along.

Now I’ve finally found and discovered myself. Now I choose myself before anyone else. Now I’m loving myself more than I love anyone, not out of selfishness, but out of understanding that this is where real love begins. How wonderful it feels to finally love myself. Loving myself feels amazing. I gave myself the patience I used to give everyone else. I stopped asking others to complete me. I stopped trying to be someone’s joy and started building my own.

There’s no angel in love. Just a person who got tired of pretending, lost himself in others, and finally decided to come home to himself. Now, I’m slowly finding my way home to myself and realizing that the peace I kept searching for was waiting within me all along.